June 30, 2004
North Korea's leader claims 'significant stockpile' of nuclear weapons
Of course, North Korea's leader claims a lot of other remarkable things, too.
(Contributed by John Cunningham)
(Contributed by John Cunningham)
Winnie-the-Pooh's happy day brutally axed by corporate cost-cutters
Piglet rumored to be on the way out...and Tigger, too.
If you're one of those people who enjoy writing haiku about toilet seats, tattoos and Harleys...
...Here's your chance to get published.
June 29, 2004
Would you like chads with that?
Still think Palm Beach County has the world's worst voters? Think again.
You can't go home again
Well, you can, but they won't necessarily treat you very nicely.
June 28, 2004
Just when you thought it was safe to critique someone's outdated window treatments...
The terrifying world of interior decorating.
Do Canadians have a sense of humor?
Not yet, eh, but they're taking classes to learn how to laugh uncontrollably for no reason.
June 27, 2004
Here come the pizza police
Quick, slice a few millimeters off that crust...before it's too late!
June 26, 2004
American politics has become bitterly divided, with our party leaders unable to cooperate and make significant progress on any meaningful issue
It's time we followed the example of Italy.
What's the best place to be this weekend?
Pretty much anyplace other than the University of Connecticut's greenhouses.
June 25, 2004
I pushed the button for Diet Pepsi, but instead I got poisonous gas from World War I
Buy me a jockstrap and Cracker Jack...
I won't care if I never get back.
Background: This is not the first promotion for the Daytona Cubs that has skated into a large hole in the thin ice of good taste. For instance, there was this one.
Background: This is not the first promotion for the Daytona Cubs that has skated into a large hole in the thin ice of good taste. For instance, there was this one.
June 24, 2004
"Make Way for Ducklings" was a cover-up!
The sentimental 1941 children's book shamelessly whitewashed the shocking true facts about the ducklings in order to save the reputation of the Boston police officials who repeatedly reassigned Officer Michael to traffic duty near the Public Garden in spite of extensive knowledge of his incompetence, it can now be revealed!
For the first time, the Harrison Report blows the lid off the scandal and reports what really happened to the ill-fated Mallard family on that tragic day.
Impacting...
Bill Gates has become way too powerful
Don't believe it? Consider that he just patented your skin...and your poodle.
The hot new sport for 2004
It's competitive TV-watching. Which raises the question: Will next year's competition by carried live on TV?
June 23, 2004
Global warming solved!
Scientists have created a serum that significantly reduces harmful emissions.
Finally, they're cleaning up the streets in Bendigo
Wondering why so many children are hyperactive these days?
The Harrison Report has found the answer.
June 22, 2004
Is the end really near?
The Second Coming could be closer than you think...but how can you tell for sure? Check out the Rapture Index, which describes itself as "a Dow Jones Industrial Average of end-time activity."
And you thought the European parliamentary elections were going to be dull
It turns out the candidates are tackling the tough issues.
June 21, 2004
Looking for something exciting to do on Saturday?
A little intellectual curiosity can be a dangerous thing
Especially if you're a total idiot.
Okay, so our federal law enforcement agents might not always do a great job catching terrorists...
but they sure know how to crack down on people who don't put away their marshmallows.
June 20, 2004
And the award for "Least Coherent Foreign Animated Short Film"
...goes to Banana and Shrimp Showtime.
June 19, 2004
The awful truth about Dairy Queen mascots
Who says today's criminals don't have a finely developed sense of irony?
June 18, 2004
Sex, death, and a giant octopus
Here's what happens when a newspaper editor assigns a frustrated pulp novelist to write a nice little story about the Aquarium.
Traffic report for Bozeman, Montana
If you're heading for Bear Trap Canyon, you might want to seek an alternate route.
Now you can talk to the dead!
On the downside, it's five bucks a word, and they don't guarantee delivery.
There are some young married couples who you just know are really, truly meant for each other
June 16, 2004
Looking for a fun summer getaway?
Fashion update
Meet the faculty
Criminal law update
The Hillsborough, N.C. police are on the case.
What would Jesus drive?
The Franciscans are taking a stand.
Legislative update
Finally, the LaPorte City Council is doing something.
Criminal law update
Things are getting out of control in Belarus.
The future of advertising
It's an interactive communicator.
Headline of the week
You probably could have guessed, anyway.
Another priest scandal!
Something's rotten in Slovakia.
Still looking for that perfect summer getaway?
