June 30, 2005
Tina Shahoody is mad as hell and she's not going to take it any more
Despite the U.S. military presence in Afghanistan, large parts of the country remain unsafe, with random violence and assaults on civilians
On the other hand, it's still a lot safer there than it is here.
June 29, 2005
Why do some protest movements generate a lot of support, while others never really get off the ground?
Simple. The key is that you have to protest something interesting.
Finally, a cure has been found for alcoholism and drug abuse
The only hitch is that it requires early intervention.
June 28, 2005
A lot of things can go wrong at a school fundraiser
There are the invitations to worry about. And the food. And the music. And of course this.
The few. The proud.
The graduates of Blalock's Beauty College.
June 27, 2005
We used to be impressed that Baskin-Robbins had 31 flavors
Marcel Duchamp caused a scandal in 1917 when he exhibited a urinal and called it art
Today, of course, that sort of thing happens all the time.
June 26, 2005
Your call is very important to us. The next available representative will be with you momentarily
Well, actually, that's not quite true...
June 25, 2005
If you're wondering why America is suffering from an obesity epidemic...
We suspect this has something to do with it.
What's the well-dressed South Korean baseball player wearing these days?
June 24, 2005
An I.Q. of 140 to 145 is generally acknowledged as the threshold for considering someone to be a genius
And we're pretty sure this person does not qualify.
The great thing about Little League is that it teaches kids important life lessons
For instance, they learn that hard work, practice, dedication and teamwork will get you thrown out of the game.
June 23, 2005
The single leading cause of auto accidents in the U.S. is drivers distracted by cell phones
And not, as you might have expected, this.
Jewish dietary law, which originated in Leviticus, can be extremely detailed in its regulations and prohibitions
And yet, we still haven't found any reference to this.
June 22, 2005
Here's a way to make your cut flowers last longer
The solution is so obvious, we're surprised no one thought of it before.
These days, a lot of cities are looking for creative new ways to raise revenue
June 21, 2005
Sometimes we read a scientific study and we're really curious about what prompted the scientists to undertake it in the first place
What we love about blogging on the Internet is that it gives people the opportunity to fully express their personality
That's also what we don't like about it.
June 20, 2005
Some types of beards make men look rugged and attractive; others make them look thoughtful and distinguished
And then there are those that just don't quite seem to fit into either category.
(Contributed by Tom Egan)
(Contributed by Tom Egan)
The wall that separates church and state has now officially collapsed
...at least at the Romanian agriculture ministry.
June 19, 2005
The Surgeon General has determined that smoking cigarettes can be hazardous to your health
For that matter, even just selling cigarettes can be hazardous to your health.
June 18, 2005
We're in favor of good government, sunshine laws, clean elections, and all that kind of stuff
But honestly, we think this is going too far.
Ever wonder why our top political leaders get paid the big bucks?
After reading this, we do, too.
June 17, 2005
Anecdotal evidence suggests cloud-seeding increases rainfall, but the National Academy of Sciences says its efficacy is not statistically validated
So we're going back to the traditional method.
French men have that special something about them, that certain ineffable quality, that je ne sais quoi...
And frankly, we don't want to sais quoi.
June 16, 2005
Cooking mishaps are the most common cause of house fires, followed by accidents involving heaters and clothes dryers
If you'd like to know the least common cause of house fires, click here.
We always thought geeks were people with esoteric interests, too much time on their hands, and a very low threshold for entertainment
And it turns out we were right.
June 15, 2005
What's worse than getting stuck in traffic behind a bus?
Getting stuck in traffic behind a bus in Winchester, England.
If you're looking for a great Father's Day gift idea...
...then run, don't walk, away from the Harrison Report Store.
June 14, 2005
It was the British poet John Masefield who wrote, 'I must go down to the sea again...'
As for us, though, we can't get away from it fast enough.
Some people say that the judges President Bush is considering nominating to the Supreme Court are highly controversial
But frankly, they all strike us as pretty dull. Now, here's a judge who's controversial.
June 13, 2005
Are you one of those people who, when they think of their bank, envision a twirling glass mobile or a vuvuzela?
Then have we got an ad campaign for you.
And the award for the worst legal argument by a criminal defendant goes to...
June 12, 2005
If you like 'American Idol'...
...then you're going to love the Mongolian Cow Sour Sour Yogurt Super Girl contest.
June 11, 2005
The Catholic Church continues to struggle with a shortage of ordained priests in the U.S.
However, some other religions are having no trouble signing up clergy.
Still believe that pigs live on family farms?
Then take the red pill, and learn the truth!
June 10, 2005
When you drive into most small towns, you see a road sign that says, 'Welcome'
But when you drive into Henderson, North Carolina, you see a slightly more graphic representation.
June 09, 2005
We're still not sure whether the use of a filibuster to block a judicial nominee is appropriate
But as parliamentary maneuvers go, we think it's definitely preferable to this.
The Ford Motor Company's motto used to be, 'Quality is Job #1'
Now, however, it appears that Ford employees have discovered something else to do on the job.
June 08, 2005
Summer is here, and in the Boston area, many families make an effort to escape to New Hampshire for the weekend
Most families, however, don't have to make quite as much of an effort as these people.
(Contributed by Scott Ziegler)
(Contributed by Scott Ziegler)
We've seen a lot of lowdown, rotten, underhanded political dirty tricks
But we've never seen anything quite like this.
June 07, 2005
The hallmark of civilization is the resolution of disputes through reasoned legal argument rather than violent confrontation
And if that's true, then civilization has just reached its ultimate crowning achievement.
A lot of people make fun of Canadians, eh? And they act like they're not very sophisticated, eh?
June 06, 2005
You want a name for your business that is colorful and memorable, and clearly communicates to the consumer exactly what you do
In short, you want a name like this.
It turns out steroids in baseball are only the tip of the iceberg
Just wait until Congress starts holding hearings on this!
UPDATE: The Harrison Report has traced the source of the problem.
UPDATE: The Harrison Report has traced the source of the problem.
June 05, 2005
Q. What would happen if all the TVs in a bar broadcast a show based on the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition?
A. Obviously, all the guys would become enraged, walk out in a huff, and bombard the network with complaints.
Social Security might well become insolvent by 2058, but we're not sure we're quite ready to call it a 'crisis'
Now this, on the other hand, is what we mean by a crisis.
June 04, 2005
Internet technology has made possible many forms of interaction that people had never previously been able to engage in
...or had any interest whatsoever in engaging in.
June 03, 2005
Are you looking for a way to add some excitement to your life? A renewed sense of passion, danger, romance and intrigue?
Then this is definitely not for you.
Woodward and Bernstein turned a local news story about a third-rate burglary into the highest of political drama
But that's the sort of thing that great journalists do every day: Assign them a fluffy, pointless human-interest feature story, for instance, and they'll find a way to fill it with excitement, emotion and pathos.
June 02, 2005
At last...The Harrison Report reveals the secret to keeping squirrels out of your birdfeeder
You have to give them something else to do to keep busy.
Who ya gonna call?
If it were up to us, we'd call an alleged tsikamutanda.
June 01, 2005
The Founding Fathers enshrined in the U.S. Constitution the principle that all people are entitled to freely practice their religion
However, we're pretty sure they would have made an exception if they had known about this.
Here's sign #162 that we're living in a housing price bubble
Real estate agents are no longer even really trying.
