July 31, 2005
At America's most prestigious medical schools, students can practice surgery using highly detailed, extremely realistic models of human anatomy
At America's least prestigious medical schools, students have to make do with learning materials that are slightly more basic.
We have just one word for the important contributions made to our society by the diligent efforts of dedicated animal behaviorists
July 30, 2005
Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking is dangerous to your health
July 29, 2005
Amtrak has been plagued by a host of problems recently, from safety issues to unexpected maintenance costs to sharply reduced federal subsidies
You can usually tell a lot about the food at a restaurant just by looking at the decor
Which is why we're not planning to eat here.
July 28, 2005
Telemarketers have finally agreed to stop calling one particular group of people
But while we applaud their decision, it's really not going to help most of us very much.
'Delete' is just another word for nothing left to lose
...Not to mention a good excuse for a party.
July 27, 2005
What do you get when you cross violent hip-hop rivalries with nerds who enjoy obscure computer programming terminology?
Goooooooooooooooooaaaalll!
Good work. Now get out of the men's room and get back on the field.
July 26, 2005
Want to know what the well-dressed drunk driver will be wearing this season?
A lot of very exciting things are happening these days in the Decatur, Illinois area
This just doesn't happen to be one of them.
July 25, 2005
If you're tired of the bar scene and are looking for a more sophisticated way to meet eligible singles...
The Harrison Report has the answer.
We've felt a lot safer flying on airplanes knowing that the government has hired thousands of new baggage screeners to protect us
July 24, 2005
Most people are content to look at their life and say, 'Well, that's the way the cookie crumbles'
But there are always a few far-sighted individuals who feel compelled to ask the question: Why?
July 23, 2005
Have you ever wondered where Wile E. Coyote got all those Acme products that were so ineffective in catching the Road Runner?
He got them from the Acme catalog.
We don't really mind that all the high-tech and call center jobs are being outsourced to India
It's the pharmaceutical industry that has us worried.
July 22, 2005
Bridesmaid's dress: $229. Shoes: $79. Bridal shower gift: $49.95. Bachelorette party favors: $32.
Getting revenge by putting a picture on the Internet of the ugly dress the bride made you wear, along with some snippy comments about the bride: Priceless.
Parents often don't really understand the music their children listen to these days
So The Harrison Report will give you the score.
July 21, 2005
A lot of people own ordinary lawn furniture...
...but only a very few own real lawn furniture.
Many critics of the Bruce Willis film 'Sin City' have complained about all the mindless, sensationalistic violence
...especially when it's directed at them.
July 20, 2005
I'm a little teapot, short and stout
Which is good, because if I were a truly gigantic teapot, I would probably be firebombed by Islamic extremists.
Want to know what we always found the most difficult subject in school?
July 19, 2005
One problem with Internet dating is that the people you meet online might not be telling the truth about themselves
Another problem is that the people you meet online might be telling the truth about themselves.
If you created Latin America's largest wireless community, with more than four million users, what would you call it?
July 18, 2005
The first step toward recovery is admitting that, by yourself, you are powerless over your addiction
Fortunately, there's a community of other recovering addicts who can help you in your struggle.
What's more fun than Aesop's fables?
July 17, 2005
Some people say that truth is stranger than fiction
July 16, 2005
Did you rob a pet store...
...or are you just happy to see me?
If we want to protect Arctic wildlife, then we have to get rid of pollution
And if we want to get rid of pollution, then we have to get rid of Arctic wildlife.
July 15, 2005
Since my baby left me, I found a new place to dwell
Down at the end of the hall, in office supply hell.
When people have anorexia or similar eating disorders, the last thing they typically want is three cans of whipped cream
Which is why they need to see a competent psychologist.
July 14, 2005
Would you like to watch someone set a new world record?
Thanks, but we think we'll skip this one.
People sometimes wonder what exactly is meant by the requirement that guilt be established 'beyond a reasonable doubt'
July 13, 2005
The great thing about America is that anybody can grow up to be a nerd
Whereas in Japan, you first have to pass an exam.
A new study has revealed that caffeine messes with your mind far more than LSD, mescaline or hashish
...at least if you're a spider.
July 12, 2005
When we were young, a lot of the boys in our neighborhood liked to talk about really gross stuff and used to torment small animals
Fortunately, they straightened out and grew up to be respected scientific researchers.
Neither snow, nor rain, nor heat, nor gloom of night stays the postman from the swift completion of his appointed rounds
However, this does appear to be a problem.
July 11, 2005
Here's why we love the BBC News World Edition
It has penetrating, insightful coverage of critical social issues that you just can't find in other mainstream journalism.
What does Darth Vader do for fun?
July 10, 2005
If you're wondering why the Armed Forces are having trouble meeting their recruiting goals...
...perhaps this is part of the problem.
A growing number of people are choosing to be cremated and to have their ashes scattered in a beloved place
The practice has a number of advantages, one of which is that you can be sure this won't happen.
July 09, 2005
According to the Supreme Court, it doesn't violate the First Amendment for a city to place a creche on public property
...unless it looks like one of these.
July 08, 2005
A good way to promote peace is for people from diverse cultures to come together and share their artistic traditions
...And you don't find very many cultures that are more diverse that these two.
We're still wondering why Barbie broke up with Ken
But according to the supermarket tabloids, the paparazzi have spotted her seeing this guy.
July 07, 2005
Here's the secret to living to a ripe old age
Eat plenty of fruits and vegetables, exercise, and stay the heck out of the bathroom.
Looking for a handy guide to useful foreign phrases?
July 06, 2005
The airport screeners in Boston are getting better
They're still letting terrorists onto planes, but at least they're stopping other persons of interest.
In the past, McDonald's advertised that it was the place where you could get change back from your dollar
In the future, it's going to be the place where all the employees are dressed like 50 Cent.
July 05, 2005
Errrr...what's up, doc?
Uh-oh...Elmer Fudd has gone high-tech.
The Harrison Report reveals the secret of looking years younger
Forget about cosmetics and plastic surgery, and head over to the produce aisle.
July 04, 2005
Students today are exposed to a popular culture that is rife with obscenity and the promotion of violence
July 03, 2005
When it comes to scientific research, can there ever be such a thing as 'too much information'?
July 02, 2005
If you had to pick one single sport that best combines grace, strength, agility, mental toughness and natural all-around athleticism...
We used to think Jesse Ventura was the strangest politician in Minnesota
July 01, 2005
Want to do lunch?
Sure. How about right after breakfast?
You shouldn't worry too much about jobs being outsourced to India
Sure, many high-tech employment opportunities are moving overseas, but the U.S. economy is creating lots of new high-quality service-sector jobs that just can't be performed by people in another country.
