August 31, 2005
A lot of great art originates with artists' doodles
For our part, we particularly like the cheese doodles.
We believe that God put every person on this earth to accomplish some particular purpose
We also believe that God works in mysterious ways.
August 30, 2005
Having a dog to guard your home can be very effective, but a dog can also entail a lot of responsibility
So here's a smart alternative.
Cell phone towers are unsightly and often arouse neighborhood opposition, so phone companies have begun trying to disguise them
...although not always very successfully.
August 29, 2005
American politicians often like to claim that they're tough on crime
But in India, they really are tough on crime.
Tall and tan and young and lovely, the girl from Ipanema goes walking, and when she passes, I smile, but she doesn't see
She must be paying too much attention to this.
August 28, 2005
Real men no longer eat meat
No, real men go to tailgate parties at football games, and when they get hungry, they throw a few spare auto parts on the grill.
Do you ever miss the old days, back when people used to listen to LPs on turntables?
August 27, 2005
Seeking experienced intellectual property attorney to file declaratory judgment action for major corporate client in high-stakes federal litigation
Must have extensive knowledge of fast food and heavy metal music.
August 26, 2005
Technological advances in recent years have made cataract surgery into a relatively safe, simple and routine procedure
Q. What happens to product advertising mascots when the company stops making the product?
A. The poor things end up here.
August 25, 2005
Martha Stewart is coming out with a new book on wedding planning
And we hear it's going to have some very original suggestions.
Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd
Buy me some peanuts and laser hair removal surgery; I don't care if I ever get back.
August 24, 2005
Historians now believe that P.T. Barnum never actually said 'There's a sucker born every minute'
However, he definitely would have said it if he had known about this.
We always wondered why Albert Einstein had such a weird-looking haircut
But we're starting to think there might have been a perfectly logical scientific explanation.
August 23, 2005
Wanted: Someone to travel around and certify new world records for the Guinness Book of World Records
Attention anyone planning a fishing trip in upstate New York
You might want to think twice.
August 22, 2005
Do you sometimes have trouble remembering people's names, or where you put the car keys?
Don't feel bad. It could be a lot worse.
The time has come, the Walrus said, to talk of many things
Of shoes, and ships, and sealing wax, and cabbages and pipe organs.
August 21, 2005
Bravehearts of the world, unite!
You have nothing to lose but your pants.
August 20, 2005
Rubber duckie, you're the one...
You make collecting so much fun!
August 19, 2005
There are always a few guys who take backyard sports way too seriously and ruin them for everyone else at the barbecue
...And here is what they read in their spare time.
August 18, 2005
A Ph.D. thesis is a singular academic achievement, requiring a significant, original contribution to a major field of human understanding
August 17, 2005
There are lots of fascinating things to do and see in Yokohama
And when you're done with all of them, you can go here.
August 16, 2005
In The DaVinci Code, author Dan Brown gave a controversial explanation of the centuries-old mystery behind the Mona Lisa's smile
In his next book, perhaps he can explain an even stranger mystery.
August 15, 2005
There's nothing more frustrating than getting to the store and realizing you forgot your grocery list
So feel free to use one of ours.
August 14, 2005
Q. How can you spot an Amish juvenile delinquent?
A. You hear loud music coming from a buggy.
August 13, 2005
Bathroom tissue is an incredibly versatile product with a thousand and one uses!
Well, actually, that's a bit of an exaggeration...but we have found a second use for it.
So, Johnny, what did you do in school today?
Honestly, mom, you don't want to know.
August 12, 2005
It's amazing the amount of useful information you can instantly access via the Internet
Oh, and when you're done, you can access this, too.
The thrill of victory. The agony of defeat.
And the sheer ignominy of the mudpit belly-flop.
August 11, 2005
Here's a sneak preview of the hot new item that everyone is going to want under their tree this Christmas
However, you might want to think twice before you give one of these to your in-laws.
August 10, 2005
Looking for a cheese-flinging martial arts expert and an on-air exorcism?
Have you ever noticed that great athletes often belong to whole families of very accomplished athletes?
August 09, 2005
The most popular things on TV right now are reality shows, crime dramas, and home shopping
And we've found a program that combines all three.
Many people believe human cloning is scientifically unacceptable and morally repugnant
And besides, it could have horrendous consequences for the entertainment industry.
August 08, 2005
Samuel Beckett's writing has been characterized as a search for black humor in the face of utter futility and abject hopelessness
Perhaps he had something to do with this.
If this headline sounds a little "strange"...
...it's because we're hoping to have it displayed "here."
August 07, 2005
When you care enough to send the very best...
...but you don't care enough to send it to the right person.
August 06, 2005
Real men don't wear suits and ties to funerals
Looking for a good book to take to the beach this summer?
August 05, 2005
If you're planning to visit Disneyland this summer, be sure to bring along a guidebook
The Harrison Report recommends this one.
What's in your wallet?
August 04, 2005
We're still not sure whether a Ten Commandments monument on public property is constitutional
But frankly, we're much more interested in whether this is constitutional.
"The Harrison Report is a tremendous website! You'll laugh; you'll cry; you'll absolutely love it!"
So says David Manning of The Ridgefield Press.
August 03, 2005
Tanzania faces many development challenges, including lack of electricity, deforestation, drought, and a very out-of-date economic infrastructure
On the positive side, though, lately it has been taking very strong steps to deal with this issue.
We always thought the song 'Bye-Bye, Miss American Pie' was about the untimely death of Buddy Holly
But now we know the real story.
August 02, 2005
There's nothing so terrible about a bad hair day...
...that can't be fixed by five dermatologists and an electron microscope.
The editors of Men's Journal recently named San Diego as the #1 'Best Place to Live' among major metro areas in the U.S.
But that's only because they didn't know about this.
August 01, 2005
T.S. Eliot once observed, 'The naming of cats is a difficult matter'
If you're looking for a creative alternative to the traditional birthday cake...
...this should change your mind.
