December 30, 2005
U.S. Accused of Torturing Detainees by Forcing Them to Listen to Eminem
Suspects in a secret prison in Afghanistan might also have been subjected to Dr. Dre, according to allegations made by the New York-based group Human Rights Watch. Click here
43-Foot-Tall Swedish Billy Goat Burns Down for 22nd Time
"In just a couple of minutes only a sooty wooden skeleton remained," police spokeswoman Margareta Olander told Associated Press. Click here
Utah Department of Transportation Fires Howitzer Shell Into Family's Backyard
Bank Issues Personnel Handbook Advising Employees to Wear Flesh-Colored Underwear
Vietnamese Build 39-Foot-Tall Christmas Tree Out of Empty Heineken Bottles
Researchers Liken Wombat Lovemaking to the Kama Sutra
"It appeared to be a physically demanding process, complete with chasing, biting, grunting and loads of heavy breathing." Click here
Crack Washington Post Investigative Team Finds That People Do Not Actually Stock Up on Toilet Paper When It Snows
"Subliminal chromatic unity" may be responsible for an urban myth, reporters conclude. Click here
Italian Lawmakers Okay Tax on Pornography
Proponents say the move will raise hundreds of millions of euros a year and solve the deficit. Click here
Scientists Finally Produce Cloned Mongolian Gazelles With Goats as Surrogate Mothers
The animals are "running and hopping a lot," experts report. Click here
December 22, 2005
This time of year, millions of children eagerly await a visit from Santa Claus
Some, however, might end up regretting it.
Over the years, neither science nor art has ever been able to fully explain the mystery of sexual attraction
December 21, 2005
We are shocked, shocked to discover that Western societies are engaged in torture
We demand that the United Nations immediately address this critical issue.
December 20, 2005
With gas prices the way they are, a lot of people are looking for vehicles that can use alternative power sources
However, here is one we do not recommend.
If you're looking for some new and different holiday decorations...
...we think you can't get much more different than this.
December 19, 2005
If we were a 25-foot-tall ape, we would know better than to climb the Empire State Building
Instead, we would attack this.
There are many places you can travel where it's advisable not to drink the water, such as Mexico or India
...or Dogwood Dells, Alabama.
December 18, 2005
The Harrison Report is best viewed using Internet Explorer 6.0+ or Netscape Navigator 7
December 17, 2005
Top political issues in Brazil include government corruption, foreign debt, and sustainable rainforest development
A lot of people think Tom Cruise is a bit psycho
As for us, we think even people who write about Tom Cruise have a tendency to be a bit psycho.
(Contributed by Howard Samuels)
(Contributed by Howard Samuels)
December 16, 2005
Joining an online virtual community can be a great way to meet others who have similar interests
Particularly if those interests include sunflower seeds and exercise wheels.
Ordinarily, The Harrison Report does not stoop to reporting celebrity gossip
But hey, did you hear that Winnie the Pooh has dumped his long-time mate for a new girlfriend?
December 15, 2005
Are you sick and tired of politicians trying to win votes by making dubious promises?
And now...the secret to having the neighborhood's most distinctive holiday yard display
It's not about how many lights you have or how much effort you put into it. It's about having an original artistic vision.
December 14, 2005
Today's word of the day: Recidivism
Click here for a concise definition.
The Coca-Cola Company was very embarrassed recently when it was forced to admit that its Dasani bottled water is really just tap water
...unlike, say, this product.
December 13, 2005
Here's the real reason you need a two-car garage
In case you have unexpected guests.
If you're following the World Cup, it might be helpful to have a handy book that explains essential soccer concepts
December 12, 2005
The Secret Service protects us against highly intelligent, skillful enemy agents with a detailed understanding of our critical defense infrastructure
What makes for a good lunch on a hot day in Japan?
Pretty much anything other than this.
December 11, 2005
With cards, shopping, parties and so on, many people feel that the Christmas season is just too busy
Well, here's one less thing you'll have to do.
December 10, 2005
Ten years ago, only a small number of people had been introduced to surfing the Web
Today, of course, the Internet needs no introduction...but we're going to provide one anyway.
December 09, 2005
Sure, you think your kitten is cute. Everybody thinks their kitten is cute
But is your kitten cute enough for...Kitten War?
Visitors often like to think of Disneyland as 'the happiest place on Earth'
...until they go to Hong Kong Disneyland.
December 08, 2005
Every mall has them. They hang out together in loud groups at the food court and annoy the families and shoppers
And finally, one mall has decided to get rid of them altogether.
Attention shoppers: Rush to aisle twelve!
And check out today's special.
December 07, 2005
Some 4% of elderly people show symptoms consistent with Alzheimer's Disease
Of course, they might not actually have the disease; they might just be completely confused by this.
Rubber duckie, you're the one...
You make bath time so much fun...
December 06, 2005
A lot of people get angry about cameras designed to catch speeders
But here's someone who actually did something about them.
Are you confused by the new Medicare prescription drug plan?
Then we suggest you forget about it and check this out instead.
December 05, 2005
If you're like most slightly unbalanced people, you're probably thinking right now about what to get your dog for Christmas
That's why The Harrison Report offers this handy gift guide:
Dog pajamas.
Dog reindeer costumes.
Dog-in-a-shell ornaments.
Relaxation music for dogs.
And don't forget: Dog thank-you cards.
Dog pajamas.
Dog reindeer costumes.
Dog-in-a-shell ornaments.
Relaxation music for dogs.
And don't forget: Dog thank-you cards.
December 04, 2005
Since the London subway bombings, British police have been trying to focus more attention on fighting terrorism
Of course, it's difficult to find the resources when so many officers are obviously needed to deal with ordinary street crime.
December 03, 2005
There are two kinds of nuts in the world: those who believe in wacky theories about aliens and UFOs...
...and the government bureaucrats who process their paperwork.
If you're confused about why Americans are becoming so obese...
Then this will probably leave you even more confused.
December 02, 2005
We just figured out what we want for Christmas
We want to be the first in our neighborhood to have one of these.
When winter arrives, are you one of those people who suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder?
December 01, 2005
The way to a woman's heart...
...is through her nostrils.
Purple haze all in my eyes/Don't know if it's day or night/You got me blowin', blowin' my mind/Is it tomorrow, or just the end of time?
