The Harrison Report

Live, up-to-the-minute coverage of the existential absurdity of human life.

October 26, 2006

 

Florida Physics Professor Claims Vampires Are Mathematically Impossible

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The Harrison Report is on sabbatical. Please explore our Archives below.


BREAKING NEWS
..... Scientists use advanced mathematical modeling to create virtual buttocks..... Unsold Christmas trees fed to elephants..... Man's probation conditions include not wearing panties..... Labor union claims forcing store clerks to listen to holiday music constitutes torture..... Blind man gets sight back after being head-butted by elite racehorse..... Thieves steal 70 washing machines..... Experienced Japanese women question scientists' findings on penis size..... Squid-inspired vortex generators created..... More breaking news items.....

 

ENTERTAINMENT

Website Lets Viewers Watch Live as Cheese Becomes Moldy

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HOME

Grandmother Holds Four Contractors Hostage So Her Kitchen Will Be Remodeled on Time

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New Products

WiFi-enabled bunny rabbit
Hurricane Katrina gingerbread house
Football stadium Bundt pan
Purr-detecting cat collar
Biodegradable jockstrap
Humvee pinata
Heirloom whale vomit
More items...

 

CRIME

Thieves Steal $50,000 Worth of Broccoli

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GAMES

Critics Complain That Trivial Pursuit Has Become Too Trivial

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SPORTS

Vatican Mulls Competing in International Soccer

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COUTURE

Fashion Retailer Specializes in Clothing for Nudists

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CRIME

Police Accuse Suspect of Serial Attacks on 12-Foot Inflatable Snowman

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FOOTBALL

Detroit Lions Coach Suspended for Driving Naked

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