January 01, 2007

 

Soccer Team Offers to Trade Goalie for Gas Pipeline

Team Previously Traded Player for Two Sets of Goalposts and Half a Pig
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December 31, 2006

 

Emergency Alarm Traced to Turtle Fart

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December 30, 2006

 

Eight Million Australians Infected With Parasite That Makes Men Stupid and Turns Women Into Sex Kittens

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Germans Baffled by Outbreak of Exploding Toad Syndrome

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December 29, 2006

 

68 Pieces of Luggage Belonging to Continental Airlines Passengers Re-Routed to Pet Store Dumpster

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December 28, 2006

 

SPECIAL REPORT

Cops, Paramedics Increasingly Frustrated by Emergency Callers Who Are Idiots


* Police Alerted to Hedgehog Stuck in Noodle Container, People Taking Too Long to Buy Cigarettes

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* Paramedics Called for Stubbed Toe, Itchy Wrist, Help With Making Dinner

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* Ambulances Summoned by Woman Who Broke Fingernail, Man Who Dreamed He Was Unconscious, TV Owner Who Had Trouble Changing Channel

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December 27, 2006

 

Federal Judge Approves Constitutional Right to Make Movie About Evil Teddy Bear

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Sub-Orbital Rocket Containing Cremated Rabbit, Poetry, Hair Samples Fails to Make Contact With Aliens

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December 24, 2006

 

The Harrison Report Santa Claus Update

* Armed Santas Rob Cell Phone Store in Mall

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* Santa Triggers Arrest of Naked Truck Driver

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* Gang of 100 Drunk Santas Cause Mayhem in Shopping Center

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* Santa Pronounced Dead at Christmas Party

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December 23, 2006

 

Mass Naked Run to Protest Excessive Packaging of Grain-Based Alcohol Cancelled by Chinese Governmment

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Seven Injured by Monks With Crowbars, Sledgehammers

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December 22, 2006

 

North Korean Leader Beefs Up Military by Boosting Supply of Karaoke Machines

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Florida Woman Charged in Hit-Hit-Hit-Hit-Hit-and-Run Accident

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December 21, 2006

 

Man Awarded £3.1 Million Because Accident at Work Increased His Libido

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California Highway Buried Under 50,000 Pounds of Hostess Twinkies

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December 20, 2006

 

CNET Interview With Virtual Real-Estate Magnate Repeatedly Sabotaged by Animated Flying Penises

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Wisconsin Teen Faces $100,000 Fine, 25 Years in Prison for Stealing Bag of Potato Chips

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December 19, 2006

 

Tennessee Titans' Raccoon Mascot Sued for $20 Million for Hitting Opposing Quarterback With Golf Cart

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